Although it takes a while to get there, there’s something awesome about that period of time when a woman, post a big breakup, finally gains her peace of mind and full happiness back. You can listen to sentimental and sad love songs without feeling some kind of way, you can talk about your ex without wanting to call him up and go postal (maybe), and you’re either enjoying being alone and independent, or trying your hand at getting back into the dating game. As nice as this place is to be in mentally, I’m sure many women have had an ex who just wouldn’t let her have that peace. Just when you were “getting back to happy,” ‘ol boy you used to cry over slowly but surely starts trying to make his way back into your life. It all starts with a text, or a call, but once you start entertaining him, it’s hard to stop.
So, Madame Noire Says, If your ex-man does the following, it’s probably because he wants to get back right with you. It’s up to you to determine if you’re going to let it happen though…
He Does Sporadic Check-Ins
You thought he’d forgotten about you, but nope, your ex has some free time, you’re on his mind, and now he’s trying to call you after a long period of time. These calls are always pretty awkward, but the gist of it is to check and see how you have been, what you’ve been doing, and most importantly (to him), who you’ve been doing. Homeboy just wants to see if you’re available so he can start playing games: Start calling often, often enough that you’re anticipating/waiting for his phone call. And once that happens, he will woo you again, and in the end, you might end up falling for the same BS that you were trying to leave behind in the first place.
He Tries to Flatter the S**t Out of You/Reminisce Over You
I’m sure you’ve heard a compliment like this during one of those sporadic check-in calls: “Yeah so, are you seeing anybody? I know YOU can’t be single…” If that one isn’t good enough, there’s always a compliment that can be thrown around about how good you look in your new Facebook profile photo, or he might even tell you that he misses your smile, your eyes, specific body parts (inappropriate much?)–yada yada ya.
Constant inquiries into who you’re seeing covered in niceties and attempts to pump your head up are how an ex tries to get on your good side. All that, “I can’t believe you’re single, what man wouldn’t want you?” talk is for the birds…
He Feels the Need to Write You an Essay Through Social Media or Email to Explain His Past Choices
It’s one thing to tell someone you regret a past choice or past treatment of them, but it’s another to sit down and spend a good minute trying to get someone to understand your side in essay form. How many times have you received a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG Facebook message or email from an ex hoping to break down where he went wrong and doing so in the hopes that all will be forgiven? While he might get all mushy and have your feelings thrown for a loop as he talks about only “wanting you to be happy,” how he now regrets hurting “the best thing that ever happened to him,” and how he’s changed, you need to really remind yourself if what you had to put up with in your relationship and even right afterwards is something you want to possibly deal with in the future. If not, say thanks, but let him know you’ve moved on and can only be cordial–if you even want to be all that.
He Gets to Your Friends and Family
Word on the street is that he’s been calling or chatting with your sister or best friend about how much he misses you. Friends are really good at persuading you to give someone a chance (or a second chance that is) because they weren’t the ones being dogged out or hurt during YOUR relationship. If your mom or your sister thought you two were so cute and that you’re not giving him enough of a chance and could possibly be passing on a good thing (or a good, comfortable future), trust, they’ll be all in your ear (remember Savannah’s mom in Waiting to Exhale trying to get her go to back to a married man??). He might be able to persuade everybody else, but will he able to persuade you?
Talks Reckless to You About His New Girl
If you’ve decided to converse with your ex or to even try your hand at being friends, the conversation will probably soon land on his own relationship status. If he’s in a relationship at the moment, an ex trying to get back with you in the future might try and downplay the relationship and even make the new boo seem underwhelming or annoying: “She’s always saying ____,” or even worse, he’ll try and make some sort of comparison between you and the new chick. I wouldn’t be so quick to be taken by his forms of flattery in pretty much saying you’re the f’ing best, because if he’ll talk crazy about her, who says he wasn’t doing the same to you at one time?
He Calls With Nothing to Talk About
One thing ex-boyfriends need to understand is that it’s essentially a privilege to call a woman just about anytime of the day and chat it up–a privilege usually given to a good friend, an actual boyfriend or someone you’re being courted by. If you don’t have business, why are you calling? Why, to be in yours of course! Therefore, calling whenever he wants to so he can shoot the breeze with you about life isn’t a good idea. Once you talk to him one time on the phone for an hour or so about everything from your job to your friends, he thinks you are down with confiding in him again, and will try and make this a regular thing. You have to let him know, when the relationship ended, so did the opportunity for these types of happy-go-lucky/friendly correspondences.
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